This Season Has Not Been my BFF. But It's Important.
Around six weeks after our first daughter was born, I remember sitting at the kitchen table with Blake, saying, I mean I really love her…but I don’t know if I could do this again. It was a true confession with a tinge of humor. Newborn life is hard, and the first time around, I wondered if this was just life forever. I knew it wasn’t—I knew babies turn into kids and life changes—but I couldn’t see it in that foggy moment.
Our second daughter is four weeks old now, and the same struggles are popping up. We can’t always soothe the crying, we haven’t had a decent conversation or gone on a date in over a month, and really, we just want to go to sleep. The difference this go around is we know this is a season, and in reality, a super short one. It’s a season that is hard and can sometimes make me feel like I’m drowning—but it’s a season beyond worth navigating because look what we get on the other side. There is so much hope of what is to come for our family. We hold on to that hope and take one newborn day at a time.
Blake and I are also better this round at treating each other well. When life turns upside down (even in the best way possible), I get cranky. I get flustered and irritated and just want to feel like I’m doing something right. So in seasons of tension, it’s easy to turn on each other. We’re learning, though, how important it is to stay close. To actively love each other even if we have to fight for those moments.
“Behold, we consider those blessed who remained steadfast. You have heard of the steadfastness of Job, and you have seen the purpose of the Lord, how the Lord is compassionate and merciful.” -James 5:11
I haven’t suffered like Job. But in my life, I can learn to be patient, root my heart in the faithfulness of Jesus, not grumble against the people God has given me, and to know my God is full of mercy.
We sang the song Jesus We Love You on Sunday. It’s on c|Life’s new worship album, and you can watch the music video by Bethel Music here. I love every word in this song, but what especially stuck out to me a few days ago was the line
“Our affection, our devotion poured out on the feet of Jesus.”
When my heart is centered on who I serve, who I belong to, and my purpose in this world, my desire to control the circumstances around me fades instantly. I remember that every act I do to love people isn’t taken in vain. It’s an offering to Jesus.
I’m not here to make things go my way or keep things simple. I’m here to love Jesus. I’m here to love His children. We will face trials, but they are momentary. We love Jesus because He loves us, and Jesus wins. He is our hope every morning and every night.